The problem with the children my generation is currently unloading onto this world is that these lil’ buggers are going to have everything they want. Great things will just keep falling in their laps. Including cameras that will never require a roll of film.
I remember my first camera. Can’t remember the brand name. It was probably a Seiko or Suzuki or something. But I remember my first roll of photographic film. It was Agfa. Saved up for weeks to get that little sh*t. It was for a church event, I think. And to impress girls, of course.
After taking the pictures with new camera, having made sure none of the 36 exposures was wasted, my friend and I proceeded to a photo lab where we had to pay to print each exposure. Thinking about it now, the photography industry used to be full of greedy rent-seeking bastards. Or how do you explain the layers and layers of hoops a consumer had to jump through just to print a photo. Thanks to creative destruction, however, my kids—yours—will never know such arbitrary nonsense.
Which brings me to the last Father’s Day, June 16, 2019. I only had one picture of my dad I could post to the Internet to mark the day and show everyone that I too once had a dad. Not that I dropped from the sky or something. Even though he wasn’t here anymore to see the post, at least I could still Instagram something and say “Happy Fathers Day, Dad” just in case the departed also log in to social media from heaven—at least on special holidays.
But before I could say anything, my elder brother went and uploaded the same picture on his socials. So now what? I should share the same photo? Hell no! The whole world (and our mutual friends) would now be thinking we only had one photo of our father? What’s the point of the internet if you cannot act like your life is actually better than it is? The internet is not a place where you go and be vulnerable by showing the truth about your real life! There’s a reason the hashtag #IRL exists— so that you can show that IRL is a separate reality.
So. I’m trying to assist my kids by uploading as many narcissistic images of myself to the Web as I can. If, god forbid, a fire destroys the albums at home, they can always come online to select pictures of me whenever the need arises. And I’m making sure they find only the ones that show my best side.
Thanks to the phones being made today, you can always show your best side. From Samsung to Apple, to Huawei and Techno, to Sony to TEC to Alcatel to Infinix and Nokia, the best cameras are now on your phone. And your phone is always in front of your face.
There are cameras that will tell you if your eyes are closed in the photo you’re about to take. There are some you can activate by saying “cheers” and there are those you can activate by waving your palm. My Samsung Galaxy Note 9, the best phone in the world thankyouverymuch, lets me take a selfie with either the front facing or back camera. I just click a little button on the S Pen (aka stylus) and hello, handsome!
What can’t you do on today’s phones? Nothing. WE HAVE REACHED PEAK PHONE. There’s no difference anymore. Nothing to discount your mobile device for—except the issues being crated by marketing departments and championed by well-paid “influencers”. For instance, did you think the Notch on the iPhone X was a problem before all the expert reviewers told you it was? Nope, I’m sure.
Now, the notch, which was there because Apple had to put the front camera and sensors somewhere on its brand new, never-seen-before in any other phone especially Samsung, totally revolutionary end-to-end screen, is disappearing. No need for the errant notch anymore because now, we’re being gifted with nifty under-the-screen cameras, hole-punch cameras, pop-up cameras, and pop-up flip cameras.
But the tech influencers will need a new problem for us to complain about. Are the cameras fast enough? Do they take great pictures outside when the sun is at 180 degrees? Do they even qualify to be called cameras?
In a way, the hedonic treadmill of tech reviews helps to propel the train of innovation in the mobile phone market.
But as a fellow consumer, I’d like to tell you, you don’t need to bother about these things. Most of the phones out there now, no matter how low your budget is, will adequately do the job of taking good pictures that’ll satisfy your daily egotistical requirements.
There’s cat in the logo. The cat from a hat. Cats are fun. Want a Cat T-shirt?